Lots of Indie Films
"Yoga Hosers"
starring: Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith, Adam Brody, Harley Morenstein, Ashley Greene, Austin Butler, Tyler Posey, Jennifer Schwalbach-Smith, Justin Long, Tony Hale, Natasha Lyonne, Genesis Rodriguez, Vanessa Paradis, Haley Joel Osment, Johnny Depp, Ralph Garman, Sasheer Zamata
written and directed by: Kevin Smith
You want nepotism? Oh, Kevin Smith has just the film for you. This is by no stretch of the imagination a good film and I think it is fair to say that Smith's filmmaking career has seen much much better days. So, what does he do? Well, he writes and directs a film that his daughter stars in with her best friend, Lily-Rose Depp, who happens to be Johnny Depp daughter with Vanessa Paradis. And, oh yeah, her parents also show up in the film, Johnny Depp is a less recognizable role as he wears lots of prosthetics. This has to be one of the worst/best movies of the year because of just how bad it is, but I think it seems to know that about itself and so it pulls no punches and just goes all campy and cheesy.
There are so many Canadian jokes and inside jokes (as well as cameo appearances that if you blink you might miss them) that you wonder if Kevin Smith even cared one bit about story and plot or if he just threw a bunch of his notebook jokes together and decided to make a cartoonish live-action film. It's a high school, teenage girls at their worst comedy with a hint of gremlin and hostile takeover of a long-dormant Manitoban Nazis regimen that has been awakened and summoned in the form of sodomy-inclined sausages (don't ask, I won't tell).
All right, well, first off, the two girls work at a convenient store (re: Clerks) but have musical aspirations (insert Adam Brody as their creepy dude drummer friend).
Those who saw “Tusk” will remember the yoga hosers of the title, both of whom share the same first name, and are helpfully referred to throughout as Colleen C. (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen M. (Harley Quinn Smith). When we first catch up with these surly high-school sophomores, they’re taking a break from their stultifyingly dull jobs at a Winnipeg convenience store to perform in the back with their amateur girl band, which consists of the two of them and a heavily tatted 35-year-old loser named Ichabod (Adam Brody) on drums.
The Colleens fit a comically exaggerated stereotype of modern teenagers by remaining glued to their phones, constantly texting, tweeting and introducing the other characters in the movie via photos and hashtags that they’ve uploaded to Instagram.
The plot points that eventually materialize seem to have been written down on index cards and pulled randomly out of a toque. The girls despise Tabitha (Natasha Lyonne), the irritating new squeeze of Colleen C.’s hapless dad (Tony Hale), but they’re rather fonder of Yogi Bayer (Justin Long, sporting a beard and awesomely colorful workout pants), whose studio they visit regularly to learn such cutting-edge yoga moves as “the pretentious frog.” Then they meet up with two older high-school dudes (played by Austin Butler and Tyler Posey) who turn out to be knife-wielding Satan worshippers, though they’re happily taken out of commission when they’re anally penetrated and gutted from within by the aforementioned sausage-Nazis — each of which is basically a small bratwurst with Hitler-esque features and dressed in red Canadian Mountie garb.
Harley Quinn Smith and Lily-Rose Depp definitely have spunk and chemistry together and it would be interesting to see them star in something else together and see how they do without their dad's hovering and overseeing each move.
The film is all right, as long as you know exactly what you're getting yourself into and you know that it certainly will not measure up to Smith's original 3 films (Mallrats, Clerks, and Chasing Amy). He's certainly been on a decline lately. I definitely want to see "Tusk" now though, because this is apparently part of a "Canadian Trilogy."
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"Blood in the Water"
starring: Willa Holland, Alex Russell, Miguel Gomez, David S. Lee, Charlbi Dean Kriek, Julie Dretzin, Matt Riedy, Stelio Savante, David Newton
written and directed by: Ben and Orson Cummings
This is a film noir and suspenseful "whodunit?" kind of film for a younger audience that almost could have been a made-for-TV movie-of-the-week. The writing is smart and not bogged down. The art deco visual representation of how the film was shot is interesting and adds to the mood throughout the film. Willa Holland (whom I remember seeing first on "The O.C.") and Alex Russell play off each other rather well and have a good chemistry, important of course. They play a young unmarried couple, Veronica and Percy (respectively), who have been house-sitting at a place (in Los Angeles) that is far out of their financial reaches but everyone loves to fantasize. And just as they are about to leave and return to New York, an old friend, named Freegood, shows up to put a wrench in their plans. Not only is he Veronica's ex-boyfriend, but he also holds a debt with Percy and he has come to collect. It's not a spoiler to tell you that the film begins with Freegood's murder, because it happens within the first few minutes and then a mysterious and sketchy investigator shows up at the house to inquire about exactly what happened.
It's pretty easy to figure things out from there and there isn't much mystery or suspense, but it's still a decent film to watch as things unravel, mostly in flashbacks as we piece things together along with the characters.
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"Adulterers"
starring: Sean Faris, Mehcad Brooks, Danielle Savre, Stephanie Charles, Steffinnie Phrommany
written and directed by: H.M. Coakley
This was an incredible and unnerving film, perfect indie film that gets your blood boiling and pumping as it provides a fresh take on a subject all too familiar in films- cheating and getting caught. It's usually presented in a very drab or comedic way. With this film, it's just intense from the moment the guy discovers his wife in bed with another (black) man (but race is not the issue discussed at all) on their anniversary (which makes the adultery that much worse). Instead of just killing them both right then and there, the man decides to do things a little bit differently. He holds them both hostage, in the bedroom and while they are still naked and sweaty from the sex, almost forcing them to beg him to simply kill them both and put them out of their misery. But, the catch is that the black man is married and his wife is expecting their baby. And the man's wife still loves him and wants to work it out with him. What unfolds is humiliation and lots of dialogue.
On their anniversary, Samuel (Sean Faris) is informed that he has to work late and calls his wife Ashley (Danielle Savre) to give her the bad news and to let her know he’ll be home by evening. Later that morning, he takes an early lunch, affording him the opportunity to surprise Ashley with flowers and chocolates when she comes in from work. When he arrives home though, he is puzzled to find her purse and driver’s license on the kitchen table instead of at work. He calls her cell phone and immediately hears it ringing from their bedroom, whereby he proceeds upstairs and finds her having sex with another man, Damien (Mehcad Brooks).
As the afternoon and night unfolds, the threesome discover secrets about each other that add to the intensity of the situation they have found themselves in and they are tied to each other whether they like it or not. This is a great film if you like feeling uncomfortable (for yourself and the characters you're watching) and like you are violating someone's privacy.
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"White Girl"
starring: Morgan Saylor, Brian Sene Marc, Justin Bartha, Chris Noth, Adrian Martinez, Anthony Ramos, Ralph Rodriguez, Annabelle Dexter-Jones
written and directed by: Elizabeth Woods
This is a film that borrows from other films before it, instead of paying homage and being something for itself, which makes it a waste of 90 minutes. Here is a film that takes things away from films like, "Kids," "Havoc," "Thirteen," "Go," "Crazy/Beautiful," and dare I say even makes itself seem like an extended and more raunchy episode of "Girls" in which the characters, but mostly the white girl from the title role who comes to New York City for college from an understood privileged upbringing only to rebel and basically unravel her life for the "love" of some gangbanging-drug dealing boy that she's crazy for. That being said, there is really nothing original here at all. Been there, done that. So, why do I care? What will this film offer that I haven't already seen?
It’s summer in New York City, and Leah (Saylor) is gearing up for her sophomore year in college. She’s got an internship at some unnamed, trendy magazine, and she and Katie (Menuez) have just moved into an apartment in Queens, outliers of gentrification, as the streets are still rough in these parts. Leah strikes it up with the street corner dealer Blue (Marc), and the two quickly fall into a heated affair, fueled by drugs and libido. After Leah takes Blue and his crew to a posh party where he makes bank selling overpriced cocaine, he decides to go big, getting fronted a pound of blow from his unsavory dealer Lloyd (Martinez). He immediately gets busted, leaving Leah with the drugs. The film then kicks into high gear, as Leah, desperately trying to get Blue out of jail, attempts to sell the coke herself, with the assistance of Blue’s friends and her creepy boss Kelly (Bartha). Suffice to say that things don’t go so well.
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"The Frontier"
starring: Jocelin Donahue, Kelly Lynch, Jim Beaver, Izabella Miko, Jamie Harris, Liam Aiken, AJ Bowen, Dustin Cook, Hugh B. Holub, Mavil Avila
written and directed by: Oren Shai
Jocelin Donahue. I first saw her in the indie horror film "The House of the Devil" and immediately fell in love with her. She's a great actress and looks like an indie version of Rashida Jones (Parks and Rec).
This is a suspenseful thriller that reminds us of the old 1970s films that it is clearly paying homage to, in a wonderful and exact way, with purpose. The way the filmmakers shot the film and present it makes it look like a 1970s film, grainy and the moody/dark atmosphere.
A young and mysterious woman named Laine (Jocelin Donahue) is on the run from the law. When she comes upon The Frontier, an isolated desert motel, she's offered a job by owner Luanne (Kelly Lynch). Hoping to disappear from her life, she accepts it, but soon realizes that she has stumbled into a much bigger and more dangerous situation than she ever could have imagined.
This film takes place almost solely and entirely at the desert diner/motel where all the characters have gathered together. Much like all the other people at the diner, whom we don't really know much about nor do we really need to know much about as that is not the purpose here, Laine is a mysterious addition. Even though the film is told through her perspective, we are never really let in on her secrets, although we can assume things. We do know that she is running from the law and that she has some bruises. But the filmmakers keep us in the dark, which is the best part of the experience, because then you are left to question exactly what her intentions are and you don't know if you should cheer her on or not.
As things unfold, it becomes clear that money is a motivating factor in all the other characters' lives, that something is about to happen, which makes "the frontier" a perfect setting for this "cowboys and Indians" game. As things started happening, I couldn't help but think of Agatha Christie's "And Then There Were None" as well as Tarantino's "Reservoir Dogs."
The theme of deception runs deep in this story. Even though we aren't necessarily informed of their pasts, we know that they have dealt in a great deal of manipulation in order to get to where they currently are. Everybody claims innocence, but there's a lot more to these characters than meets the eye. The audience just never gets to see any of them become entirely realized. The Frontier includes a lot of small details in both the narrative and the characters, but these feel like missed opportunities. Why include such pieces of information when the film simply forgets that these elements ever existed? Regardless of whether this is intentional or not, it suggests a messy narrative that doesn't feel very cohesive. Even so, The Frontier is always entertaining, as it keeps its audiences engaged from start to finish.
This is a nearly perfect display of filmmaking and acting from Donahue. She is destined to be much bigger than she is right now.
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"Mad"
starring: Jennifer Lafleur, Maryann Plunkett, Ellis Cahill, Mark Reeb, David Sullivan
written and directed by: Robert G. Putka
This is a small film with large characters. It is about selfish, heinous people (two sisters in particular) behaving in selfish and heinous ways (towards each other, towards themselves). It is about a dysfunctional family and the bipolar matriarch.
Mel (Maryann Plunkett) suffers a breakdown after her husband leaves her, winding up in the hospital when she’s found uncontrollably sobbing by her neighbors. Mel’s daughters Connie (Jennifer Lafleur), a successful corporate worker with a husband and two kids, and Casey (Eilis Cahill), unemployed and trying to figure out her life, convince her to commit herself to a psych ward in order to rehabilitate herself, a choice fueled more by selfishness than a sincere desire to help their mom.
Of course, being a film about a dysfunctional family there will be plenty of relationship issues at the center of it, which lends itself to interactions between the characters devolving into brutal war of words and monologue(s) and dialogues that are filled with their share of passive-aggressive barbs and words that cut right through the skin and hit the jugular, like only family knows how to do.
Although the writing is good, the constant barrage of insults and attempts to one-up each other with insults doesn't allow the characters to ever materialize into human beings that you care about, which is the biggest flaw of any film, not just this one; so that when the film goes for its ending, it's hard to care or believe in the emotionally satisfying payoff.
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"Wildflower"
starring: Nathalia Ramos, Cody Longo, Alex Steele, Benjamin Ashbrook, Katie Gill, Kevin McCorkle, Christopher Jon Martin, Shari Rigby, Kristen Bell
written and directed by: Nicholas DiBella
starring: Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith, Adam Brody, Harley Morenstein, Ashley Greene, Austin Butler, Tyler Posey, Jennifer Schwalbach-Smith, Justin Long, Tony Hale, Natasha Lyonne, Genesis Rodriguez, Vanessa Paradis, Haley Joel Osment, Johnny Depp, Ralph Garman, Sasheer Zamata
written and directed by: Kevin Smith
You want nepotism? Oh, Kevin Smith has just the film for you. This is by no stretch of the imagination a good film and I think it is fair to say that Smith's filmmaking career has seen much much better days. So, what does he do? Well, he writes and directs a film that his daughter stars in with her best friend, Lily-Rose Depp, who happens to be Johnny Depp daughter with Vanessa Paradis. And, oh yeah, her parents also show up in the film, Johnny Depp is a less recognizable role as he wears lots of prosthetics. This has to be one of the worst/best movies of the year because of just how bad it is, but I think it seems to know that about itself and so it pulls no punches and just goes all campy and cheesy.
There are so many Canadian jokes and inside jokes (as well as cameo appearances that if you blink you might miss them) that you wonder if Kevin Smith even cared one bit about story and plot or if he just threw a bunch of his notebook jokes together and decided to make a cartoonish live-action film. It's a high school, teenage girls at their worst comedy with a hint of gremlin and hostile takeover of a long-dormant Manitoban Nazis regimen that has been awakened and summoned in the form of sodomy-inclined sausages (don't ask, I won't tell).
All right, well, first off, the two girls work at a convenient store (re: Clerks) but have musical aspirations (insert Adam Brody as their creepy dude drummer friend).
Those who saw “Tusk” will remember the yoga hosers of the title, both of whom share the same first name, and are helpfully referred to throughout as Colleen C. (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen M. (Harley Quinn Smith). When we first catch up with these surly high-school sophomores, they’re taking a break from their stultifyingly dull jobs at a Winnipeg convenience store to perform in the back with their amateur girl band, which consists of the two of them and a heavily tatted 35-year-old loser named Ichabod (Adam Brody) on drums.
The Colleens fit a comically exaggerated stereotype of modern teenagers by remaining glued to their phones, constantly texting, tweeting and introducing the other characters in the movie via photos and hashtags that they’ve uploaded to Instagram.
The plot points that eventually materialize seem to have been written down on index cards and pulled randomly out of a toque. The girls despise Tabitha (Natasha Lyonne), the irritating new squeeze of Colleen C.’s hapless dad (Tony Hale), but they’re rather fonder of Yogi Bayer (Justin Long, sporting a beard and awesomely colorful workout pants), whose studio they visit regularly to learn such cutting-edge yoga moves as “the pretentious frog.” Then they meet up with two older high-school dudes (played by Austin Butler and Tyler Posey) who turn out to be knife-wielding Satan worshippers, though they’re happily taken out of commission when they’re anally penetrated and gutted from within by the aforementioned sausage-Nazis — each of which is basically a small bratwurst with Hitler-esque features and dressed in red Canadian Mountie garb.
Harley Quinn Smith and Lily-Rose Depp definitely have spunk and chemistry together and it would be interesting to see them star in something else together and see how they do without their dad's hovering and overseeing each move.
The film is all right, as long as you know exactly what you're getting yourself into and you know that it certainly will not measure up to Smith's original 3 films (Mallrats, Clerks, and Chasing Amy). He's certainly been on a decline lately. I definitely want to see "Tusk" now though, because this is apparently part of a "Canadian Trilogy."
..............................................................................................
"Blood in the Water"
starring: Willa Holland, Alex Russell, Miguel Gomez, David S. Lee, Charlbi Dean Kriek, Julie Dretzin, Matt Riedy, Stelio Savante, David Newton
written and directed by: Ben and Orson Cummings
This is a film noir and suspenseful "whodunit?" kind of film for a younger audience that almost could have been a made-for-TV movie-of-the-week. The writing is smart and not bogged down. The art deco visual representation of how the film was shot is interesting and adds to the mood throughout the film. Willa Holland (whom I remember seeing first on "The O.C.") and Alex Russell play off each other rather well and have a good chemistry, important of course. They play a young unmarried couple, Veronica and Percy (respectively), who have been house-sitting at a place (in Los Angeles) that is far out of their financial reaches but everyone loves to fantasize. And just as they are about to leave and return to New York, an old friend, named Freegood, shows up to put a wrench in their plans. Not only is he Veronica's ex-boyfriend, but he also holds a debt with Percy and he has come to collect. It's not a spoiler to tell you that the film begins with Freegood's murder, because it happens within the first few minutes and then a mysterious and sketchy investigator shows up at the house to inquire about exactly what happened.
It's pretty easy to figure things out from there and there isn't much mystery or suspense, but it's still a decent film to watch as things unravel, mostly in flashbacks as we piece things together along with the characters.
..........................................................................................
"Adulterers"
starring: Sean Faris, Mehcad Brooks, Danielle Savre, Stephanie Charles, Steffinnie Phrommany
written and directed by: H.M. Coakley
This was an incredible and unnerving film, perfect indie film that gets your blood boiling and pumping as it provides a fresh take on a subject all too familiar in films- cheating and getting caught. It's usually presented in a very drab or comedic way. With this film, it's just intense from the moment the guy discovers his wife in bed with another (black) man (but race is not the issue discussed at all) on their anniversary (which makes the adultery that much worse). Instead of just killing them both right then and there, the man decides to do things a little bit differently. He holds them both hostage, in the bedroom and while they are still naked and sweaty from the sex, almost forcing them to beg him to simply kill them both and put them out of their misery. But, the catch is that the black man is married and his wife is expecting their baby. And the man's wife still loves him and wants to work it out with him. What unfolds is humiliation and lots of dialogue.
On their anniversary, Samuel (Sean Faris) is informed that he has to work late and calls his wife Ashley (Danielle Savre) to give her the bad news and to let her know he’ll be home by evening. Later that morning, he takes an early lunch, affording him the opportunity to surprise Ashley with flowers and chocolates when she comes in from work. When he arrives home though, he is puzzled to find her purse and driver’s license on the kitchen table instead of at work. He calls her cell phone and immediately hears it ringing from their bedroom, whereby he proceeds upstairs and finds her having sex with another man, Damien (Mehcad Brooks).
As the afternoon and night unfolds, the threesome discover secrets about each other that add to the intensity of the situation they have found themselves in and they are tied to each other whether they like it or not. This is a great film if you like feeling uncomfortable (for yourself and the characters you're watching) and like you are violating someone's privacy.
.........................................................................................
"White Girl"
starring: Morgan Saylor, Brian Sene Marc, Justin Bartha, Chris Noth, Adrian Martinez, Anthony Ramos, Ralph Rodriguez, Annabelle Dexter-Jones
written and directed by: Elizabeth Woods
This is a film that borrows from other films before it, instead of paying homage and being something for itself, which makes it a waste of 90 minutes. Here is a film that takes things away from films like, "Kids," "Havoc," "Thirteen," "Go," "Crazy/Beautiful," and dare I say even makes itself seem like an extended and more raunchy episode of "Girls" in which the characters, but mostly the white girl from the title role who comes to New York City for college from an understood privileged upbringing only to rebel and basically unravel her life for the "love" of some gangbanging-drug dealing boy that she's crazy for. That being said, there is really nothing original here at all. Been there, done that. So, why do I care? What will this film offer that I haven't already seen?
It’s summer in New York City, and Leah (Saylor) is gearing up for her sophomore year in college. She’s got an internship at some unnamed, trendy magazine, and she and Katie (Menuez) have just moved into an apartment in Queens, outliers of gentrification, as the streets are still rough in these parts. Leah strikes it up with the street corner dealer Blue (Marc), and the two quickly fall into a heated affair, fueled by drugs and libido. After Leah takes Blue and his crew to a posh party where he makes bank selling overpriced cocaine, he decides to go big, getting fronted a pound of blow from his unsavory dealer Lloyd (Martinez). He immediately gets busted, leaving Leah with the drugs. The film then kicks into high gear, as Leah, desperately trying to get Blue out of jail, attempts to sell the coke herself, with the assistance of Blue’s friends and her creepy boss Kelly (Bartha). Suffice to say that things don’t go so well.
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"The Frontier"
starring: Jocelin Donahue, Kelly Lynch, Jim Beaver, Izabella Miko, Jamie Harris, Liam Aiken, AJ Bowen, Dustin Cook, Hugh B. Holub, Mavil Avila
written and directed by: Oren Shai
Jocelin Donahue. I first saw her in the indie horror film "The House of the Devil" and immediately fell in love with her. She's a great actress and looks like an indie version of Rashida Jones (Parks and Rec).
This is a suspenseful thriller that reminds us of the old 1970s films that it is clearly paying homage to, in a wonderful and exact way, with purpose. The way the filmmakers shot the film and present it makes it look like a 1970s film, grainy and the moody/dark atmosphere.
A young and mysterious woman named Laine (Jocelin Donahue) is on the run from the law. When she comes upon The Frontier, an isolated desert motel, she's offered a job by owner Luanne (Kelly Lynch). Hoping to disappear from her life, she accepts it, but soon realizes that she has stumbled into a much bigger and more dangerous situation than she ever could have imagined.
This film takes place almost solely and entirely at the desert diner/motel where all the characters have gathered together. Much like all the other people at the diner, whom we don't really know much about nor do we really need to know much about as that is not the purpose here, Laine is a mysterious addition. Even though the film is told through her perspective, we are never really let in on her secrets, although we can assume things. We do know that she is running from the law and that she has some bruises. But the filmmakers keep us in the dark, which is the best part of the experience, because then you are left to question exactly what her intentions are and you don't know if you should cheer her on or not.
As things unfold, it becomes clear that money is a motivating factor in all the other characters' lives, that something is about to happen, which makes "the frontier" a perfect setting for this "cowboys and Indians" game. As things started happening, I couldn't help but think of Agatha Christie's "And Then There Were None" as well as Tarantino's "Reservoir Dogs."
The theme of deception runs deep in this story. Even though we aren't necessarily informed of their pasts, we know that they have dealt in a great deal of manipulation in order to get to where they currently are. Everybody claims innocence, but there's a lot more to these characters than meets the eye. The audience just never gets to see any of them become entirely realized. The Frontier includes a lot of small details in both the narrative and the characters, but these feel like missed opportunities. Why include such pieces of information when the film simply forgets that these elements ever existed? Regardless of whether this is intentional or not, it suggests a messy narrative that doesn't feel very cohesive. Even so, The Frontier is always entertaining, as it keeps its audiences engaged from start to finish.
This is a nearly perfect display of filmmaking and acting from Donahue. She is destined to be much bigger than she is right now.
.....................................................................................
"Mad"
starring: Jennifer Lafleur, Maryann Plunkett, Ellis Cahill, Mark Reeb, David Sullivan
written and directed by: Robert G. Putka
This is a small film with large characters. It is about selfish, heinous people (two sisters in particular) behaving in selfish and heinous ways (towards each other, towards themselves). It is about a dysfunctional family and the bipolar matriarch.
Mel (Maryann Plunkett) suffers a breakdown after her husband leaves her, winding up in the hospital when she’s found uncontrollably sobbing by her neighbors. Mel’s daughters Connie (Jennifer Lafleur), a successful corporate worker with a husband and two kids, and Casey (Eilis Cahill), unemployed and trying to figure out her life, convince her to commit herself to a psych ward in order to rehabilitate herself, a choice fueled more by selfishness than a sincere desire to help their mom.
Of course, being a film about a dysfunctional family there will be plenty of relationship issues at the center of it, which lends itself to interactions between the characters devolving into brutal war of words and monologue(s) and dialogues that are filled with their share of passive-aggressive barbs and words that cut right through the skin and hit the jugular, like only family knows how to do.
Although the writing is good, the constant barrage of insults and attempts to one-up each other with insults doesn't allow the characters to ever materialize into human beings that you care about, which is the biggest flaw of any film, not just this one; so that when the film goes for its ending, it's hard to care or believe in the emotionally satisfying payoff.
..................................................................................
"Wildflower"
starring: Nathalia Ramos, Cody Longo, Alex Steele, Benjamin Ashbrook, Katie Gill, Kevin McCorkle, Christopher Jon Martin, Shari Rigby, Kristen Bell
written and directed by: Nicholas DiBella
This is supposed to be a thriller (with supernatural tendencies) about a 12 year old case of a missing girl, but it ends up being more of a Christian film about spirituality and God leading us in the right directions. If that's not enough to steer you away from watching it already, here you go.
It's slow from beginning to end. There is a lot of inner monologue and it just plays out like one of those after school specials.
Avoid at all costs.
It's slow from beginning to end. There is a lot of inner monologue and it just plays out like one of those after school specials.
Avoid at all costs.
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