"Public Enemies"
I started meditating back in September (and I know it seems trite to say that just in the past 4 months my life has changed by it, but a lot can be said for finding some grounding). Although, I thought I'd had my life figured out and was finally in a relationship that I had longed to be in, when the relationship ended I realized a lot about myself, but I think the most crucial point was that even though I learned a lot about myself from that relationship and its demise, I also learned that there was so much more to learn about myself. So, it was August when the relationship ended, but like most people, I went through stages and for a month I believed that I could do something to change her mind, that we would end up back together. That stage was denial. And what I learned about myself, as I retraced my steps was that I had a tendency to do that with relationships...beloieve in something that could never be, because there was someone else involved. I could not change someone else's feelings, even though I wanted/tried hard to with my own actions. So, in September, I kind of had an epiphany about myself and the relationship that I thought I wanted so badly. I was never going to work. And, I shouldn't have to try so hard. I should just be myself as I learn every new day who that self is. I'm not sorry for the relationship (it lasted 9 months) and I'm not sorry for its termination. I think both happened for good reasons. I've always been a strong believer in karma and I know I've always been a "good" person. (But what does it really mean to be a "good" person? And if I'm being such a good person, why have I been treated the way that I have been?)
I've always tried to live my life according to the Taoist philosophers. I remember reading "The Tao of Pooh" in high school and falling in love with the way of life it presented. Be in the now. Treat each day as a new experience. Live in the moment. Do let things bother you.
And I'd done such a great job, according to myself, living by those standards. But, in the most recent relationship it was constantly brought to my attention that I wasn't being the man that I'd said I was. It hurt. And it made me think if that was true, I needed to reevaluate myself and how I was living my life. I'd been meditating of and on, on my own, but never truly felt I had the discipline. So, when the relationship ended I decided that was something positive I wanted to change about myself. I wanted to look within myself. I wanted to find newer, better, ways to deal with my stress. I did two things: (a) started going to acupuncture to work on the internal structure of my body, physically and mentally (b) starting going to a sangha (community) for meditation practice. I found this great place in Portland, Nagaloka Buddhist Center, which I knew nothing about, and I happened to go on a "Friends" night where they were reading a book together as a group. I hadn't read the book, but I was happy to participate. I also learned the proper techniques for meditating. I had not been a part of any kind of religious community since high school. (I was raised Catholic for 18 years, but then when the reigns were let loose and I could choose for myself, I turned away from Catholicism and organized religion in general, and decided to live my life by a certain set of moral standards and guidelines that I saw fit.)
It's been really great being a part of a community and discussing Buddhist philosophies, hearing peoples' stories as we discuss our troubles and questions. I've enjoyed sharing my own pieces, when I see fit, and I think people have begun to appreciate me for things that I believe and the stories/philosophies that I share. And it's been an awesome experience that I've been able to bring into my classroom as well. Last night we talked about "writing your life story" to learn more about yourself, what do you find. I've found patterns that I seem to fall into. I find positives and negatives. I find learning experiences. I find joy. I find sadness. I find that although I was handed a few cards that I would've liked to hand back to the dealer, I've made out rather well. I've found a great stroke of luck throughout my "adult" life. I've found great friends. I've found foes. I've found that no matter what I've always tried to find the good in each situation and person that I come in contact with. I find that I want to know what sort of impact I've made on someone else's life. I find a desire for attention.
I have been struggling to reach certain students in my room and I although I find certain moments in my job frustrating, I appreciate each and every day I get to do the job that I know I was meant to do. We talked, last night, about "Care-isms" but I prefer to call it "Passions." I consider myself lucky to have found my "Passion" in life approximately 10 years ago when I decided to pursue teaching as a profession and first stepped into a kindergarten classroom. I loved every minute of it. And I left knowing I'd found my passion in life. What I was meant to do. Again, I believe it's been a natural talent, one that I've been honing skills at for years now, but there is something to be said for my natural ability to reach kids, to connect with them, to have them listen and enjoy being in my classroom. I've always been able to disconnect myself from my students and my job when I leave for the day, but there's truly something about this year's group that tugs at my heartstrings each day. I leave wondering about them. I leave wondering about the affect I've made. I leave wondering about the impact. I know I shouldn't do it for the gratification, but I'd like to know I'm doing something right by them all.
I've always loved working out at the gym and found it to be a great stress reliever, but this year, I've been finding new ways to relieve stress. But, ultimately, I just don't want to be stressed. I want to return to the person that I used to be. But, is that possible? As circumstances change and you grow up, don't other things become more important to you? Is feeling some sense of stress inevitable? I love writing and I love talking about myself, so this has been a great outlet for me. I hope others can take pleasure and enjoyment in traveling along with me on this year-long (hopefully longer, though) journey of my life, through movies.
..................
I remember going to see "Public Enemies" while on my America-circling road trip a few summers back. I was in California, staying with an old high school friend in Reseda. I had a day to myself, since he had to work, and I'd already been to Hollywood and laid on the beach as well as put my feet in the Pacific Ocean, so I decided to go to the movies. I had an afternoon, so I went to see "Public Enemies."
I've always loved Johnny Depp as an actor and in this movie he certainly does not disappoint. He is on as John Dillinger (the famous bank robber of the 1930s). If people could have taglines his would have been: "I'm John Dillinger. I rob banks." That's how he introduced himself. That's how he defined himself. Michael Mann's film never strays from that simple fact. It's a wonderful film, beautifully made, action-packed, but it certainly leaves you wanting to know more about the man behind the robberies and manhunt. But, the question is: Is there more to him? The man that became Public Enemy Number One was very driven by his compulsions and remained bold, violent, and disciplined in his approach. He certainly made no effort to evade the police. He was in their face about his accomplishments, taunting them to catch him. He was the poster child of narcissism.
Michael Mann avoids cliches that other period piece/bank robbery films might commit. He stays on topic throughout the entire film as we are led on a manhunt, with violent and deathly repercussions as the FBI (led by Christian Bale's character). Johnny Depp also does not disappoint by going for bank robber cliches. He methodically plays Dillinger as a man on a mission. Dillinger is a Fact, to Depp. Researched. Studied. And portrayed on film. He brings him back to life with his performance, which is exactly why you want to know more behind the surface of Dillinger and you end the film wondering. By the film's end, you wonder if there really was more to John Dillinger, but you also wonder if that truly matters.
Another Michael Mann film I would recommend: "Collateral."
I've always tried to live my life according to the Taoist philosophers. I remember reading "The Tao of Pooh" in high school and falling in love with the way of life it presented. Be in the now. Treat each day as a new experience. Live in the moment. Do let things bother you.
And I'd done such a great job, according to myself, living by those standards. But, in the most recent relationship it was constantly brought to my attention that I wasn't being the man that I'd said I was. It hurt. And it made me think if that was true, I needed to reevaluate myself and how I was living my life. I'd been meditating of and on, on my own, but never truly felt I had the discipline. So, when the relationship ended I decided that was something positive I wanted to change about myself. I wanted to look within myself. I wanted to find newer, better, ways to deal with my stress. I did two things: (a) started going to acupuncture to work on the internal structure of my body, physically and mentally (b) starting going to a sangha (community) for meditation practice. I found this great place in Portland, Nagaloka Buddhist Center, which I knew nothing about, and I happened to go on a "Friends" night where they were reading a book together as a group. I hadn't read the book, but I was happy to participate. I also learned the proper techniques for meditating. I had not been a part of any kind of religious community since high school. (I was raised Catholic for 18 years, but then when the reigns were let loose and I could choose for myself, I turned away from Catholicism and organized religion in general, and decided to live my life by a certain set of moral standards and guidelines that I saw fit.)
It's been really great being a part of a community and discussing Buddhist philosophies, hearing peoples' stories as we discuss our troubles and questions. I've enjoyed sharing my own pieces, when I see fit, and I think people have begun to appreciate me for things that I believe and the stories/philosophies that I share. And it's been an awesome experience that I've been able to bring into my classroom as well. Last night we talked about "writing your life story" to learn more about yourself, what do you find. I've found patterns that I seem to fall into. I find positives and negatives. I find learning experiences. I find joy. I find sadness. I find that although I was handed a few cards that I would've liked to hand back to the dealer, I've made out rather well. I've found a great stroke of luck throughout my "adult" life. I've found great friends. I've found foes. I've found that no matter what I've always tried to find the good in each situation and person that I come in contact with. I find that I want to know what sort of impact I've made on someone else's life. I find a desire for attention.
I have been struggling to reach certain students in my room and I although I find certain moments in my job frustrating, I appreciate each and every day I get to do the job that I know I was meant to do. We talked, last night, about "Care-isms" but I prefer to call it "Passions." I consider myself lucky to have found my "Passion" in life approximately 10 years ago when I decided to pursue teaching as a profession and first stepped into a kindergarten classroom. I loved every minute of it. And I left knowing I'd found my passion in life. What I was meant to do. Again, I believe it's been a natural talent, one that I've been honing skills at for years now, but there is something to be said for my natural ability to reach kids, to connect with them, to have them listen and enjoy being in my classroom. I've always been able to disconnect myself from my students and my job when I leave for the day, but there's truly something about this year's group that tugs at my heartstrings each day. I leave wondering about them. I leave wondering about the affect I've made. I leave wondering about the impact. I know I shouldn't do it for the gratification, but I'd like to know I'm doing something right by them all.
I've always loved working out at the gym and found it to be a great stress reliever, but this year, I've been finding new ways to relieve stress. But, ultimately, I just don't want to be stressed. I want to return to the person that I used to be. But, is that possible? As circumstances change and you grow up, don't other things become more important to you? Is feeling some sense of stress inevitable? I love writing and I love talking about myself, so this has been a great outlet for me. I hope others can take pleasure and enjoyment in traveling along with me on this year-long (hopefully longer, though) journey of my life, through movies.
..................
I remember going to see "Public Enemies" while on my America-circling road trip a few summers back. I was in California, staying with an old high school friend in Reseda. I had a day to myself, since he had to work, and I'd already been to Hollywood and laid on the beach as well as put my feet in the Pacific Ocean, so I decided to go to the movies. I had an afternoon, so I went to see "Public Enemies."
I've always loved Johnny Depp as an actor and in this movie he certainly does not disappoint. He is on as John Dillinger (the famous bank robber of the 1930s). If people could have taglines his would have been: "I'm John Dillinger. I rob banks." That's how he introduced himself. That's how he defined himself. Michael Mann's film never strays from that simple fact. It's a wonderful film, beautifully made, action-packed, but it certainly leaves you wanting to know more about the man behind the robberies and manhunt. But, the question is: Is there more to him? The man that became Public Enemy Number One was very driven by his compulsions and remained bold, violent, and disciplined in his approach. He certainly made no effort to evade the police. He was in their face about his accomplishments, taunting them to catch him. He was the poster child of narcissism.
Michael Mann avoids cliches that other period piece/bank robbery films might commit. He stays on topic throughout the entire film as we are led on a manhunt, with violent and deathly repercussions as the FBI (led by Christian Bale's character). Johnny Depp also does not disappoint by going for bank robber cliches. He methodically plays Dillinger as a man on a mission. Dillinger is a Fact, to Depp. Researched. Studied. And portrayed on film. He brings him back to life with his performance, which is exactly why you want to know more behind the surface of Dillinger and you end the film wondering. By the film's end, you wonder if there really was more to John Dillinger, but you also wonder if that truly matters.
Another Michael Mann film I would recommend: "Collateral."
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