No Cars Go

I'm fairly certain a lot has happened since the last time. I'll try my best to recap for your benefit.

So, I've been a member of okcupid.com for a couple of years now, but living in Lewiston, options were quite limited in terms of meeting a gamut of ladies to whet my appetite. Now that I'm in Portland things have been going much better and I'm not at all ashamed to admit that I use the internet to meet people. I'm a technology-born and raised kid, anyway. It's how we've grown to communicate. And I'm not one to frequent bars and hit on drunk girls. I guess the romantic in me is looking for something that will last. I've never been the type to be fulfilled by the one-night stand thing. Although, I've found myself wishing and/or living vicariously through stories I may have heard or read about. Part of me wishes I could think and live that way, but the more morally-based part of me just doesn't find it to be as rewarding.
I enjoy getting to know someone, even if it's through email conversations.

So, first, I met this really cool girl with whom I seemed to share a lot of musical interests with. So we exchanged emails back and forth a few times. I always feel like maybe I jump the gun a bit early in terms of mentioning that we should meet up and hang out, but I'm really looking to meet new people, now that I'm in Portland. And I mean, I do venture out, but this is also my way of getting a formal "date" and seeing if anything can materialize from it.
I have always gotten extremely nervous minutes before going on said "dates" until most recently. I remember a conversation I had with my best friend a few years ago about how dates are pretty much like interviews. Not only is the girl interviewing me, but I'm also interviewing her! Damn it! If I'm not feeling it with her, then I have the capability of just calling it good. Now, this has caused a problem the past couple of years, because I've discovered that either I'm meeting the wrong girls OR I just have really high standards, some might even say, completely unattainable standards for the girl I want to call "mine." But, I've designed a theory that if I'm not really feeling "it" after the second date, I just give up, call it quits. Perhaps too soon, but let's face it, I don't want to waste precious time here. I'm not getting any younger and I have things I want to do. Kids? Eh, maybe. But I'm a guy, so that can wait as long as I need it to, and I'll still be able to perform my duties.

Anyway, I met this girl and we connected. So, I said "there's this great new bowling place that my friend works at and I've been dying to go there. Let's do it!"
So, we went to Bayside Bowl a few weekends ago and had a really good time. Our connection and conversation flowed so well that our time actually expired on our game. We didn't get to finish the last couple of frames. Look at me, I'm speaking bowling, now! So, we decided to head to the bar area in the place and continue talking. My friend, Amanda, who works there, came over. Of course, I haven't seen her in quite awhile, even though now we live in the same place! She came over and was shooting the shit, meanwhile I'm in the middle of this first date. Which, honestly, isn't awkward or going badly at all.
And then, another woman I know through a mutual friend spots me and comes over to chat with me.
The girl I'm with is taking these interruptions well and in stride. When we are alone again, she says "wow, you're popular. a lot of people know you here huh?"
This feeds my ego just enough. It makes me feel like I'm slowly making this place my own. But, I don't think I'll ever reach Amanda-status.

Anyway, I've only talked to this girl once since then. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I get really busy and forget about things and people. I also hate feeling like I'm "bothering" people! I've missed opportunities before because of this problem of mine.

AND THEN--
At the same time, I've been exchanging email correspondences with another really great girl. We seem to have a lot in common and are on the same wave-lengths about many a-things. I can actually picture myself having face:face conversations with her as I'm reading our emails. Scary stuff! I don't do this often.
**Side note*** I also tend to project feelings too fast onto things that just are not there, only in my mind and it gets me in trouble, with myself.

So, we agree to meet up a couple of weeks ago. She cancel due to illness. I'm thinking, damn she's having second thoughts! Argh! Now, she's about the most beautiful girl I've since on this site AND she's not only kept up correspondence with me, but she initially agreed to "hang out" with me. I don't want to blow it, so I simply play it cool. Offer up my condolences and hope that we can get together again soon.
We eventually get together, last Wednesday night, for sushi about a block away from where we both live, in the middle really. During our "date" I can't really tell if she's having as good a time as I am, because I notice she keeps looking past me. She later admits to being engrossed in the music that the restaurant has been playing. Phew! Okay. I can handle that, because I'm a music fiend as well.
We hug at the end of the day-- Let's face it, I've come to terms with being horrible and awkward at the end of any date. I can never seem to gather the courage to try and "close the deal" with a kiss goodnight. Fuck! But, hey I'll take a hug and the desire to go out again. Which we plan to do on Friday, since it's First Friday down in Portland. I love doing these Art Walks and she's never done it before.

Thursday, I inquire with a couple of lady teachers at my school, well, one honestly, my age, if sending this girl flowers at work on Friday in anticipation of our second date is perhaps a little too much. Again, I don't want to blow it with this girl especially, because she is one that I really like and could actually see pursuing to even "date." The teacher confers and says she thinks that would be sweet and not "too much" to scare her off. So, I do it, bright and earlier to make sure they get there.
I proceed with my day, expecting a text sometime from her saying thank you. I don't get anything. And it's raining. She then cancels our date around 3p, claiming a work gathering is taking place that she should probably go to.
I'm thinking, damn it Sean, you blew it and scared her off with the flowers! And she didn't even say thank you. I tell her rescheduling is cool with me. Have fun. We were supposed to get together on Sunday, but I decided to take the weekend off from her. Give it time and see if she's actually interested in me. She'll contact me. I'm hoping!
Then Monday comes and she texts me wanting to do something Wednesday night, tonight. I agree. Say nothing about the flowers, either. Playing it cool.
Tuesday comes and she texts me at 8:30a thanking me for the flowers that JUST arrived! Holy crap! 4 days late. And here I'm thinking she didn't care for them and she was blowing me off because of them.
So, I'm back in!
But now I have a new worry amongst my thoughts. The dreaded second date, well really it's the end of the date. Do I attempt a kiss or not! The second date seems so crucial to me. Make or break.