Three Films to Forget About
"The Hole"
starring: Keira Knightley, Thora Birch, Desmond Harrington, Baniel Brocklebank, Laurence Fox, Embeth Davidtz
directed by: Nick Hamm
This British film never really saw the light of day back when it was originally released in 2001, at least here in America, because it's the same year that Keira Knightley became a young actress to watch thanks in large part to her role in "Bend it Like Beckham" which came out the same year. "The Hole" is a darker role for her, and Knightley flashes her breasts in this film (I wonder if she regrets it nowadays, since she's a huge success with many other deeper roles to her credit). And this film did not really help launch her career. It's one you can cast aside as a misstep.
It's the end term of at a prestigious British prep school. Liz (Thora Birch) and her friend Frankie (Keira Knightley) skip the school's field trip to Wales and spend the weekend in an old bomb shelter with Mike (Desmond Harrington) and Geoff (Laurence Fox), two members of the school's rugby team. Liz's friend Martyn (Daniel Brocklebank) leads them to the shelter, lets them in, and locks the door from the outside, telling them he'll be back in three days to let them out. Three days pass and Martyn does not come back; in fact, he never comes back. Fifteen days later a traumatized Liz emerges from the shelter, walks back to the school, phones the police, and screams her head off. She is taken to the hospital, and the bodies of her three dead friends are soon recovered from the shelter. Liz, who thinks she only spent three days in the shelter and does not know her friends are dead, tells Dr. Horwood (Embeth Davidtz), the police psychiatrist monitoring her recovery, that Martyn deliberately left them in the shelter to die; Martyn, on vacation with his family, is brought in by the police and questioned. He says Liz is lying and that he had nothing to do with it. Unable to produce enough evidence to charge Martyn with a crime, the police release him. Liz returns home, fearing what Martyn will now do. But is she afraid Martyn will come to kill her, or is she afraid he'll tell the police what he really knows?
"The Hole" is incredibly stupid. The plot is stupid, and the characters are stupid. The structure and execution of the film are maddening. The above plot summary covers the first half of the film, which deals with Liz's version of events; it's obvious from the beginning she's lying, which means the second half of this tedious film will recount what actually happened. Unfortunately, what really happened is just as nonsensical as the story Liz concocts for the psychiatrist.
Seeing Keira Knightley topless for about five seconds is not worth sitting through the rest of this tragedy of a film.
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"Sorority Row"
starring: Briana Evigan, Margo Harshman, Rumer Willish, Leah Pipes, Jamie Chung, Audrina Patridge, Matt O'Leary, Julian Morris, Debra Gordon, Carrie Fisher
Chalk this up as another pointless and terribly crafted remake of a horror film that was, yes, unnecessary. It follows on the heels of and in the same vein as "Black Christmas"- another sorority-based horror film, where the girls are terrorized by a serial killer.
Scantily clad and buxom sisters of Theta Pi decide to get back at one of their own's straying and cheating boyfriend, Garrett. They device a none-too-clever plan to fake the weaselly creep out by pretending that his girlfriend has been accidentally overdosed on the date-rape drug of choice that he's given her. Of course, the plan goes all wrong and the girl (played briefly by the MTV reality show alum, Audrina Patridge, thankfully) ends up getting killed for real.
The film quickly descends into a blend of every other teen horror film that came before it, especially "I Know What You Did Last Summer" and "Scream." The mysterious killer sends text messages and photos to the girls. You can tell that Rumer Willis' character will survive, because she is the quintessential good-girl, moral compass of the group. Everything is as predictable as you would expect. Blah!
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"Crystal Fairy and the Magical Cactus"
starring: Michael Cera, Gaby Hoffman, Juan Andres Silva, Agustin Silva, Jose Miguel Silva
written and directed by: Sebastian Silva
Michael Cera has been known for playing the bland and perpetual nice guy in TV and film. With this film he explores the role of an asshole, rather well, as Jamie, an American expat living in Santiago, on a road trip with three brothers, on a quest for a "magical cactus" and who along the way pick up a nomadic girl, dubbed the "crystal fairy" (played perfectly by the already eccentric Gaby Hoffman).
Cera accomplishes the tricky feat of a comedic actor playing against type, establishing a character who forcefully externalizes his awkwardness while injecting his own bit of passive aggressiveness. It's the kind of character that I think actors like Cera would beg to play, because the viewer is hoping he will get his own comeuppance by the end, if solely because of the way he acts and behaves towards Hoffman's character.
starring: Keira Knightley, Thora Birch, Desmond Harrington, Baniel Brocklebank, Laurence Fox, Embeth Davidtz
directed by: Nick Hamm
This British film never really saw the light of day back when it was originally released in 2001, at least here in America, because it's the same year that Keira Knightley became a young actress to watch thanks in large part to her role in "Bend it Like Beckham" which came out the same year. "The Hole" is a darker role for her, and Knightley flashes her breasts in this film (I wonder if she regrets it nowadays, since she's a huge success with many other deeper roles to her credit). And this film did not really help launch her career. It's one you can cast aside as a misstep.
It's the end term of at a prestigious British prep school. Liz (Thora Birch) and her friend Frankie (Keira Knightley) skip the school's field trip to Wales and spend the weekend in an old bomb shelter with Mike (Desmond Harrington) and Geoff (Laurence Fox), two members of the school's rugby team. Liz's friend Martyn (Daniel Brocklebank) leads them to the shelter, lets them in, and locks the door from the outside, telling them he'll be back in three days to let them out. Three days pass and Martyn does not come back; in fact, he never comes back. Fifteen days later a traumatized Liz emerges from the shelter, walks back to the school, phones the police, and screams her head off. She is taken to the hospital, and the bodies of her three dead friends are soon recovered from the shelter. Liz, who thinks she only spent three days in the shelter and does not know her friends are dead, tells Dr. Horwood (Embeth Davidtz), the police psychiatrist monitoring her recovery, that Martyn deliberately left them in the shelter to die; Martyn, on vacation with his family, is brought in by the police and questioned. He says Liz is lying and that he had nothing to do with it. Unable to produce enough evidence to charge Martyn with a crime, the police release him. Liz returns home, fearing what Martyn will now do. But is she afraid Martyn will come to kill her, or is she afraid he'll tell the police what he really knows?
"The Hole" is incredibly stupid. The plot is stupid, and the characters are stupid. The structure and execution of the film are maddening. The above plot summary covers the first half of the film, which deals with Liz's version of events; it's obvious from the beginning she's lying, which means the second half of this tedious film will recount what actually happened. Unfortunately, what really happened is just as nonsensical as the story Liz concocts for the psychiatrist.
Seeing Keira Knightley topless for about five seconds is not worth sitting through the rest of this tragedy of a film.
.............................................................................
"Sorority Row"
starring: Briana Evigan, Margo Harshman, Rumer Willish, Leah Pipes, Jamie Chung, Audrina Patridge, Matt O'Leary, Julian Morris, Debra Gordon, Carrie Fisher
Chalk this up as another pointless and terribly crafted remake of a horror film that was, yes, unnecessary. It follows on the heels of and in the same vein as "Black Christmas"- another sorority-based horror film, where the girls are terrorized by a serial killer.
Scantily clad and buxom sisters of Theta Pi decide to get back at one of their own's straying and cheating boyfriend, Garrett. They device a none-too-clever plan to fake the weaselly creep out by pretending that his girlfriend has been accidentally overdosed on the date-rape drug of choice that he's given her. Of course, the plan goes all wrong and the girl (played briefly by the MTV reality show alum, Audrina Patridge, thankfully) ends up getting killed for real.
The film quickly descends into a blend of every other teen horror film that came before it, especially "I Know What You Did Last Summer" and "Scream." The mysterious killer sends text messages and photos to the girls. You can tell that Rumer Willis' character will survive, because she is the quintessential good-girl, moral compass of the group. Everything is as predictable as you would expect. Blah!
.............................................................................
"Crystal Fairy and the Magical Cactus"
starring: Michael Cera, Gaby Hoffman, Juan Andres Silva, Agustin Silva, Jose Miguel Silva
written and directed by: Sebastian Silva
Michael Cera has been known for playing the bland and perpetual nice guy in TV and film. With this film he explores the role of an asshole, rather well, as Jamie, an American expat living in Santiago, on a road trip with three brothers, on a quest for a "magical cactus" and who along the way pick up a nomadic girl, dubbed the "crystal fairy" (played perfectly by the already eccentric Gaby Hoffman).
Cera accomplishes the tricky feat of a comedic actor playing against type, establishing a character who forcefully externalizes his awkwardness while injecting his own bit of passive aggressiveness. It's the kind of character that I think actors like Cera would beg to play, because the viewer is hoping he will get his own comeuppance by the end, if solely because of the way he acts and behaves towards Hoffman's character.
"Crystal Fairy" establishes its focus on social dynamics at an introductory house party, where Champa leads Jamie around, acting as his shepherd and part-time translator. It's here that the two encounter the title character (Gaby Hoffmann), who Jamie describes as a "dark tornado," taking it upon himself to disrupt her embarrassing dance moves, never realizing he's making just as much of a scene himself. Inspired by some innate insufficiency, there's a relentless, force-of-nature inevitability to his own bad behavior as he sweeps through the party like a plague, consuming and critiquing the local cocaine, clogging toilets, and finally sabotaging a planned camping excursion, inviting Crystal Fairy along in a fit of spontaneous affability.
Sandwiching Champa and his two younger brothers, Lel and Pilo (José Miguel and Agustín Silva), between two wildly different Ugly Americans, Silva presents the film's centerpiece camping trip as an ongoing clash of personalities. Despite her open-minded positivity and fondness for earth magic, Crystal is as horrid of a person as Jamie, condescending to the Chileans for buying junk food while sneaking surreptitious sips of Coke, strutting around their shared hotel room naked as if this weren't an imposition on everyone's comfort. The more she and Jamie butt heads, the clearer it becomes how similar they are, each derailing every situation in which they're involved. One does so pretending there are no rules, the other by imposing his own rules and hang-ups onto everything around him. Yet despite playing up their most miserable qualities, Silva presents these characters as ripe for redemption, constructing their flaws around a core of internal insecurity, imbuing both with a genuine, relatable desire for experience.
At its heart and center, this film is about the baggage involved in the dilettante game of life that privileged "white folks" albeit Americans, too, play on self-discovery journeys and road trips in foreign countries. It's a forgettable film, which is too bad, and it's not necessarily because of the acting of Hoffman and Cera. I wish they shared more screen time with each other, because watching them interact is delightful. It's the heavier issues that the film seems to want to expose and thus explore that leave it as something to be dismissed.
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