Four Terrible Films to Waste Your Time
"Evil Remains" (aka "Trepassing"
starring: Estella Warren, Ashley Scott, Clayne Crawford, Jeff Bryan Davis, Daniel Gillies
written and directed by: James Merendino
This is what appears to be an independent film that was either made-for-TV or straight-to-DVD movies from a writer/director who really likes to here himself talk (via his actors)- and they talk a lot.
And now, the film plays out like a cross between "The Blair Witch Project" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," but the only problem is (besides the terrible acting) that both original movies were great when they first came out and they didn't need anyone paying homage or ripping them off.
Similar to all slasher films in the last 20 years, it concerns a group of pretty college students who unwisely travels to a house in the boondocks so that one of them can finish up his thesis on the nature of infamous myths. They break into the property and set up shop as if they own the place, and bad things happen, and you grin as they die one by one because they’re all such unlikable characters who talk and pontificate about what's happening to and around them.
The film itself opens in the past, where a family’s mentally unstable son stabs dad in the head with a hedge clipper, then burns mom with a can of gasoline.
One of the defining characteristics of slasher films is the constant moving and running around/away from the villain, from one stupid hiding place to the next, as each character is killed off one by one, until only one, heroic girl (usually) survives and faces off against the evil. That's where this film fails miserably: the characters spend a significant amount of time sitting around, standing around, or driving around talking about themselves and the evil.
There is a lot of unsuccessful and undelivered promises: Estella Warren (probably one of the worst models-turned-actresses who seems to keep getting jobs, for some bizarre reason) and her friend (played by Ashley Scott) have some flirty sex talk while walking in the woods that never goes anywhere at all, as far as lesbianism in horror films is concerned. And the killings, which should be the best part of the horror/slasher film, well you can't even really make out what's happening, because the director decided to shoot everything in an arthouse style that makes it all too dark to see anything, which is just frustrating.
Bad film.
...............................................................................................
"Cottage Country"
starring: Malin Akerman, Tyler Labine, Lucy Punch, Dan Petronijevic
Dark comedy is a delicate art, as a film must strike a balance between humor and horror. It is the bringing together of seemingly opposing elements that makes these movies shocking yet pleasing. Dark comedy reached its pinnacle with the Coen Brothers' "Fargo" and that should be studied by any director and/or writer who wants to attempt their own dark comedy.
Canadian director Peter Wellington attempts to strike dark comedic gold with his new film "Cottage Country." However, Wellington appears to have forgotten to include the humor element in his movie, or perhaps I completely missed it throughout the whole film; and instead presents a work that does offer over-the-top gore, but does not provide a single laugh.
Malin Akerman (the stunningly attractive albeit for her striking blue eyes and blonde hair that makes her seem Scandinavian than actually Canadian) plays Cammie Ryan, the rather uptight almost 30 years old woman who is pressuring her boyfriend Todd (played by Tyler Labine, formerly seen in "Tucker and Dale V. Evil" other dark comedy that hit it out of the park) into furthering their relationship into the next level (re: marriage). They head to Todd's parent's cottage for a relaxing weekend, where everything is planned out to perfection, including Todd's surprise proposal. There fantasy getaway turns into a nightmare when Todd's mess of a brother shows up with his own girlfriend (Salinger and Masha) and basically ruins everything and pushes Cammie, but mostly Todd to the limit, until it goes too far. The should-be lovable Todd then commits the unthinkable and kills his brother. Cammie finds out, is somewhat happy about it, but then, like her Type-A personality suggests, she wants to hatch a plan to cover up their crime (which will also include killing Masha).
"Passion"
starring: Rachel McAdams, Noomi Rapace, Karoline Herfurth, Paul Anderson, Dominic Raacke
written and directed by: Brian de Palma
Director Brian de Palma has seemed to define a genre unto himself and he has made some great films, looking at his filmography:
Obsession (1975)
Carrie (1976)
Dressed to Kill (1980)
Scarface (1983)
Body Double (1984)
The Untouchables (1987)
Raising Cain (1992)
Carlito's Way (1993)
Mission Impossible (1996)
Femme Fatale (2000)
The Black Dahlia (2006)
Redacted (2007)
and now, Passion (2012)
With his latest film, "Passion" he explores the Hitchcock-ian aspect of corporate backstabbing, bitchiness, and sexual-turned-murderous compulsions and the calculations that come with it all.
This film seems to be about following and not wanting to follow in the footsteps of our idols. Christine (McAdams) is a top executive at a Berlin advertising agency and her talented new hire, Isabelle (Rapace) are constantly jockeying for position as well as recognition from their bosses.
"Dirty Deeds"
starring: Lacey Chabert, Mil Ventimiglia, Tom Amandes, Matthew Carey, Mark Derwin, Michael Milhoan, Zoe Saldana, Arielle Kebbel, Erin Torpey, Wes Anderson
We can thank two films: "Porky's" and the more modern "American Pie" (the original) for this terrible, terrible, pathetic film. Who ever greenlit this film, should either be fired immediately or perhaps rethink their career choices.
The basic premise goes as follows: the night before Homecoming weekend, so willing underclassman is supposed to step up and attempt to complete the Ten Dirty Deeds that have been passed down over the years. This film is so formulaic that you know exactly what is going to happen from the first few minutes of the film. It has everything you would expect of a raunchy teen/high school film (re: bare breasts, lots of underage drinking, a party at someone's house, and trouble, lots of trouble, as well as a principal who is too old to understand).
It's the day before homecoming at West Valley High, and a freshman dork named Kyle (Wes Robinson) is tired of being picked on by the jocks. Hoping to get in good with the popular kids, Kyle offers to complete the Dirty Deeds, a series of ten pranks/challenges that have only been completed once in the school's history. Meg (Lacey Chabert), Kyle's older sister, doesn't want Kyle to perform the Deeds, so she asks Zach (Milo Ventimiglia), the school's resident prankster, to stop Kyle. Kyle idolizes Zach, so Meg hopes Kyle will listen to him. Well, Zach agrees to help stop Kyle. Zach steps in and offers to complete the deeds for Kyle. Why does Zach do this? Because stupid people in stupid movies do stupid things. And because it also allows Zach and Meg to go back and forth about how he's not living up to his potential, or about how she needs to loosen up, which of course means that each will learn that the other really isn't all that bad, which of course means they will hook up before the movie's over. Tired formula.
Everything happens because it's supposed to and it's like the biggest waste of 90 minutes of film. Why does a grown up Lacey Chabert have to continually disappoint with her choices of films (aside from "Mean Girls" where she was gold).
starring: Estella Warren, Ashley Scott, Clayne Crawford, Jeff Bryan Davis, Daniel Gillies
written and directed by: James Merendino
This is what appears to be an independent film that was either made-for-TV or straight-to-DVD movies from a writer/director who really likes to here himself talk (via his actors)- and they talk a lot.
And now, the film plays out like a cross between "The Blair Witch Project" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," but the only problem is (besides the terrible acting) that both original movies were great when they first came out and they didn't need anyone paying homage or ripping them off.
Similar to all slasher films in the last 20 years, it concerns a group of pretty college students who unwisely travels to a house in the boondocks so that one of them can finish up his thesis on the nature of infamous myths. They break into the property and set up shop as if they own the place, and bad things happen, and you grin as they die one by one because they’re all such unlikable characters who talk and pontificate about what's happening to and around them.
The film itself opens in the past, where a family’s mentally unstable son stabs dad in the head with a hedge clipper, then burns mom with a can of gasoline.
One of the defining characteristics of slasher films is the constant moving and running around/away from the villain, from one stupid hiding place to the next, as each character is killed off one by one, until only one, heroic girl (usually) survives and faces off against the evil. That's where this film fails miserably: the characters spend a significant amount of time sitting around, standing around, or driving around talking about themselves and the evil.
There is a lot of unsuccessful and undelivered promises: Estella Warren (probably one of the worst models-turned-actresses who seems to keep getting jobs, for some bizarre reason) and her friend (played by Ashley Scott) have some flirty sex talk while walking in the woods that never goes anywhere at all, as far as lesbianism in horror films is concerned. And the killings, which should be the best part of the horror/slasher film, well you can't even really make out what's happening, because the director decided to shoot everything in an arthouse style that makes it all too dark to see anything, which is just frustrating.
Bad film.
...............................................................................................
"Cottage Country"
starring: Malin Akerman, Tyler Labine, Lucy Punch, Dan Petronijevic
Dark comedy is a delicate art, as a film must strike a balance between humor and horror. It is the bringing together of seemingly opposing elements that makes these movies shocking yet pleasing. Dark comedy reached its pinnacle with the Coen Brothers' "Fargo" and that should be studied by any director and/or writer who wants to attempt their own dark comedy.
Canadian director Peter Wellington attempts to strike dark comedic gold with his new film "Cottage Country." However, Wellington appears to have forgotten to include the humor element in his movie, or perhaps I completely missed it throughout the whole film; and instead presents a work that does offer over-the-top gore, but does not provide a single laugh.
Malin Akerman (the stunningly attractive albeit for her striking blue eyes and blonde hair that makes her seem Scandinavian than actually Canadian) plays Cammie Ryan, the rather uptight almost 30 years old woman who is pressuring her boyfriend Todd (played by Tyler Labine, formerly seen in "Tucker and Dale V. Evil" other dark comedy that hit it out of the park) into furthering their relationship into the next level (re: marriage). They head to Todd's parent's cottage for a relaxing weekend, where everything is planned out to perfection, including Todd's surprise proposal. There fantasy getaway turns into a nightmare when Todd's mess of a brother shows up with his own girlfriend (Salinger and Masha) and basically ruins everything and pushes Cammie, but mostly Todd to the limit, until it goes too far. The should-be lovable Todd then commits the unthinkable and kills his brother. Cammie finds out, is somewhat happy about it, but then, like her Type-A personality suggests, she wants to hatch a plan to cover up their crime (which will also include killing Masha).
Tyler Labine and Malin Akerman are bright and earnest as the "perfect" couple who, as it turns out by the end, actually can't stand each other. It's a shame they are given no funny lines to deliver. There is nothing real or engaging about these characters; instead, they are one-dimensional caricatures instead of people. You can't form a connection with characters that do not display emotion or relatable attributes. The result is not caring about them or the outcome of the film in which they exist.
This film is simply not funny. Instead of creating shock and humor by mixing its extremely gratuitous violence with dry, biting wit or charming, lovable characters, this movie offers nothing more than a zany premise that spirals out of control but ultimately goes nowhere. Without humor, the movie falls flat, and an audience is left neither laughing, nor caring.
................................................................................................................"Passion"
starring: Rachel McAdams, Noomi Rapace, Karoline Herfurth, Paul Anderson, Dominic Raacke
written and directed by: Brian de Palma
Director Brian de Palma has seemed to define a genre unto himself and he has made some great films, looking at his filmography:
Obsession (1975)
Carrie (1976)
Dressed to Kill (1980)
Scarface (1983)
Body Double (1984)
The Untouchables (1987)
Raising Cain (1992)
Carlito's Way (1993)
Mission Impossible (1996)
Femme Fatale (2000)
The Black Dahlia (2006)
Redacted (2007)
and now, Passion (2012)
With his latest film, "Passion" he explores the Hitchcock-ian aspect of corporate backstabbing, bitchiness, and sexual-turned-murderous compulsions and the calculations that come with it all.
This film seems to be about following and not wanting to follow in the footsteps of our idols. Christine (McAdams) is a top executive at a Berlin advertising agency and her talented new hire, Isabelle (Rapace) are constantly jockeying for position as well as recognition from their bosses.
In there advertising world, images are constantly being made and manipulated, pitched and marketed desperately by people hungry for power, Isabelle comes up with a clever ad campaign whose provocation, turning the male (and sometimes female) gaze against itself, seals the characters' fates and addresses our relationship to the allure of those very images. I appreciated De Palma's use of metaphor.
"Passion" is a serpentine, gorgeously orchestrated gathering of all of De Palma's pet themes and conceits, a symphony of giddy terror where people perpetually hide behind masks, both literal and figurative (re: scenes in which Christine has sex with her masked beau and later we discover she has a bathroom drawer dedicated to her sexual secrets), hallucinations are nested in dreams (Isabelle seems to be stuck in a constant bad dream of her own reality- is it happening to her or not?), and images within images become tools of aggression. There is a sad ease with which Isabelle allows herself to be tormented, usurped, then appeased, and the coyness with which she gets her payback. And naturally it all builds to a towering use of split-screen, a juxtaposition of love and hate, creation and destruction, doublings of things already doubled. De Palma is almost too artsy for his own good with this film.
I think De Palma is stuck living in his own shadow from his more successful, earlier film noirs like "Dressed to Kill" and "Obsession" because he hasn't been able to make a completely satisfying film for a couple of decades now. He's come close, but he hasn't hit his mark in years.
..................................................................................................."Dirty Deeds"
starring: Lacey Chabert, Mil Ventimiglia, Tom Amandes, Matthew Carey, Mark Derwin, Michael Milhoan, Zoe Saldana, Arielle Kebbel, Erin Torpey, Wes Anderson
We can thank two films: "Porky's" and the more modern "American Pie" (the original) for this terrible, terrible, pathetic film. Who ever greenlit this film, should either be fired immediately or perhaps rethink their career choices.
The basic premise goes as follows: the night before Homecoming weekend, so willing underclassman is supposed to step up and attempt to complete the Ten Dirty Deeds that have been passed down over the years. This film is so formulaic that you know exactly what is going to happen from the first few minutes of the film. It has everything you would expect of a raunchy teen/high school film (re: bare breasts, lots of underage drinking, a party at someone's house, and trouble, lots of trouble, as well as a principal who is too old to understand).
It's the day before homecoming at West Valley High, and a freshman dork named Kyle (Wes Robinson) is tired of being picked on by the jocks. Hoping to get in good with the popular kids, Kyle offers to complete the Dirty Deeds, a series of ten pranks/challenges that have only been completed once in the school's history. Meg (Lacey Chabert), Kyle's older sister, doesn't want Kyle to perform the Deeds, so she asks Zach (Milo Ventimiglia), the school's resident prankster, to stop Kyle. Kyle idolizes Zach, so Meg hopes Kyle will listen to him. Well, Zach agrees to help stop Kyle. Zach steps in and offers to complete the deeds for Kyle. Why does Zach do this? Because stupid people in stupid movies do stupid things. And because it also allows Zach and Meg to go back and forth about how he's not living up to his potential, or about how she needs to loosen up, which of course means that each will learn that the other really isn't all that bad, which of course means they will hook up before the movie's over. Tired formula.
Everything happens because it's supposed to and it's like the biggest waste of 90 minutes of film. Why does a grown up Lacey Chabert have to continually disappoint with her choices of films (aside from "Mean Girls" where she was gold).
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