Rachel Getting Married
I watched this unbelievable film a couple of days ago (for the 4th or 5th time), but to be honest I've been putting off writing about it, because although the story itself is not what I connected with, I couldn't help being branded by Ann Hathaway's character Kym and it left me thinking that I've had the experience now of knowing someone like her.
You see, she plays the family black sheep, but more specifically, she plays an addict and from my experience of knowing an addict, I think she played it extremely well. There is something within the personality of an addict that makes you love and hate them, that makes you want to please them, but also say "Get your shit together!" and give them a hug, but also shake them.
I was recently with someone with an addict personality, who was extremely open about her past, to the point where I felt I did not need to know some of the things she told. But what she lied about was the underlying that she was indeed an addict. You see, it was all in her past, although, she admitted to wanting some things still. Only after we ended things did she tell me that she was in a place willing to admit that she was an addict, even when I had called her out on it, based on her behavior. I mean, laying everything out on the table on the second date and then accusing me of not wanting to know specifics or even running for the door. I understood that everything she said or did was a test (to perhaps see if I would lay a judgment upon her, and even when I never did, she claimed that I was judgmental of her, and if you know me at all, you would know that I am one of the least judgmental persons you will ever meet). In the end, I guess I ultimately failed her test, but really she failed mine long before that with every action speaking louder. I now know a lot about myself just from being with someone like her. And, although she most likely thinks otherwise, I hold no ill will or judgment upon her. I am who I am. My experience with her shaped me, just as every experience I've ever had has done the same throughout my life. Although, I feel like I hit my emotional rock bottom with her. Retrospective, I know that I really did nothing wrong. That everything she claimed was wrong with me, were ultimately things she perhaps could not or would not face about herself. You see, it is my assessment that a person with addictive personality never accepts responsibility and is in a constant state of denial (and it can be said, through my experience, lives their life through a pleasant facade so as not keep people at a distance and not really guessing if they are okay). To an addict, they are okay. It is everyone else around them that has the problem(s).
I learned my lesson. I tried to be a hero. I tried to be a savior. I tried to be the "normal." I tried to be everything she wanted. I tried. I failed. I tried. I tried. I lost a sense of myself for a person who'd lost themselves years prior. Anyway, that seems to be enough about the connection to my life.
I have always enjoyed Jonathan Demme's films and this one is exceptional. He decided to film it in almost a documentary style, with shaky, handheld cameras for most of the intimate scenes, and since the subject matter is addiction and family, it almost feels as if you are eavesdropping on a tension-filled intervention for Kym, even though, as the film's title suggests, it is her sister who is getting married. All attention should be focused on Rachel. But, since Kym is an addict she turns everything around to be about her, how everything affects her. It was extremely frustrating to watch her self-destruct but also implode what should be a joyous occasion. The wedding does go off without a hitch, but just Kym's presence (having been released from rehab for her sister's wedding) presents the conflict that drives the film. There is a lingering tension in every scene, almost. The threat level for chaos would be at ORANGE if George W. Bush were the wedding planner.
From my experience, addicts have a tendency to bring old skeletons out of the closet at their behest. And there is a very large skeleton in this family's closet. Kym is at the center of it, as you would've guessed. I almost don't want to tell you, but I will.
Kym crashed the car she was driving (while drunk and high), her little brother in the car as well, killing him. She wants a resolution to this. She wants to know why her mother put her in charge, since her mother knew she was messed up. But again, it is about not taking responsibility for her own actions. And she never does. She returns to rehab, without ever changing, which is frustrating, but understandable. It is only a happy ending, in that, Rachel does get married and it is a beautiful occasion.
Ann Hathaway is unbelievable in this role.
Rosemarie DeWitt is great as Rachel (who is getting married, by the way, if you didn't know that). I actually have a personal connection, sort of, in that, one of my good friends is Rosemarie's nephew! He got married this past April and had invited Rosemarie and her husband, Ron Livingston (from Office Space) to the wedding and I almost peed my pants from an anxiety attack knowing that there was a potential of meeting two famous actors! But, alas, their schedules conveniently made them unavailable for some real nuptials. I had my copies of Rachel Getting Married and Office Space ready for autographs, regards. Perhaps, someday, maybe.
You see, she plays the family black sheep, but more specifically, she plays an addict and from my experience of knowing an addict, I think she played it extremely well. There is something within the personality of an addict that makes you love and hate them, that makes you want to please them, but also say "Get your shit together!" and give them a hug, but also shake them.
I was recently with someone with an addict personality, who was extremely open about her past, to the point where I felt I did not need to know some of the things she told. But what she lied about was the underlying that she was indeed an addict. You see, it was all in her past, although, she admitted to wanting some things still. Only after we ended things did she tell me that she was in a place willing to admit that she was an addict, even when I had called her out on it, based on her behavior. I mean, laying everything out on the table on the second date and then accusing me of not wanting to know specifics or even running for the door. I understood that everything she said or did was a test (to perhaps see if I would lay a judgment upon her, and even when I never did, she claimed that I was judgmental of her, and if you know me at all, you would know that I am one of the least judgmental persons you will ever meet). In the end, I guess I ultimately failed her test, but really she failed mine long before that with every action speaking louder. I now know a lot about myself just from being with someone like her. And, although she most likely thinks otherwise, I hold no ill will or judgment upon her. I am who I am. My experience with her shaped me, just as every experience I've ever had has done the same throughout my life. Although, I feel like I hit my emotional rock bottom with her. Retrospective, I know that I really did nothing wrong. That everything she claimed was wrong with me, were ultimately things she perhaps could not or would not face about herself. You see, it is my assessment that a person with addictive personality never accepts responsibility and is in a constant state of denial (and it can be said, through my experience, lives their life through a pleasant facade so as not keep people at a distance and not really guessing if they are okay). To an addict, they are okay. It is everyone else around them that has the problem(s).
I learned my lesson. I tried to be a hero. I tried to be a savior. I tried to be the "normal." I tried to be everything she wanted. I tried. I failed. I tried. I tried. I lost a sense of myself for a person who'd lost themselves years prior. Anyway, that seems to be enough about the connection to my life.
I have always enjoyed Jonathan Demme's films and this one is exceptional. He decided to film it in almost a documentary style, with shaky, handheld cameras for most of the intimate scenes, and since the subject matter is addiction and family, it almost feels as if you are eavesdropping on a tension-filled intervention for Kym, even though, as the film's title suggests, it is her sister who is getting married. All attention should be focused on Rachel. But, since Kym is an addict she turns everything around to be about her, how everything affects her. It was extremely frustrating to watch her self-destruct but also implode what should be a joyous occasion. The wedding does go off without a hitch, but just Kym's presence (having been released from rehab for her sister's wedding) presents the conflict that drives the film. There is a lingering tension in every scene, almost. The threat level for chaos would be at ORANGE if George W. Bush were the wedding planner.
From my experience, addicts have a tendency to bring old skeletons out of the closet at their behest. And there is a very large skeleton in this family's closet. Kym is at the center of it, as you would've guessed. I almost don't want to tell you, but I will.
Kym crashed the car she was driving (while drunk and high), her little brother in the car as well, killing him. She wants a resolution to this. She wants to know why her mother put her in charge, since her mother knew she was messed up. But again, it is about not taking responsibility for her own actions. And she never does. She returns to rehab, without ever changing, which is frustrating, but understandable. It is only a happy ending, in that, Rachel does get married and it is a beautiful occasion.
Ann Hathaway is unbelievable in this role.
Rosemarie DeWitt is great as Rachel (who is getting married, by the way, if you didn't know that). I actually have a personal connection, sort of, in that, one of my good friends is Rosemarie's nephew! He got married this past April and had invited Rosemarie and her husband, Ron Livingston (from Office Space) to the wedding and I almost peed my pants from an anxiety attack knowing that there was a potential of meeting two famous actors! But, alas, their schedules conveniently made them unavailable for some real nuptials. I had my copies of Rachel Getting Married and Office Space ready for autographs, regards. Perhaps, someday, maybe.
Really interesting insight into the mind of an addict. Not having any known connection with someone in this sense until very recently (and even then, the connection is thin at best) I feel like I have a semblance of an understanding as to what my friend, who is involved with a addicted person, lives with and tries to help.
ReplyDeleteI know, it's hard to understand what people talk about until you've experienced it, and I really may not have a leg to stand on in the argument, because I basically/truly dealt with the aftermath of a five-year long addiction, but I definitely saw and recognized some of the same tendencies which led me to conclude that she truly was an addict.
ReplyDelete