Poetry for the One

Youth Marked Scars into Adulthood

I loved you
Through the skin and muscle, oh the tone
Even through the thinning marrow of the bone
Unable to break and set properly in place

Shrink me down into the nucleus of your blood cells
Buried there are your secrets, your deepest sins
The air I breathe is just a darkened jail
A brand new cage for me to suffer in
Since I loved you

Take cover in my naivete
This boyish charm is only a façade
For a blackened heart
Filled with apathy from years of torment
Of what claimed to be love
Was just another lie told to myself

I wish I had the span to pay you attention
But your hand-outs are a false sense of pride and security
To men hanging on by the thread of hope
Only to avoid the pain
That loving you will inevitably bring
(You’ll run away, I know- You’re all the same)
Still I choose to play this game
Still you choose to reenact this sad display of charity

Is this the way a toy feels
When its battery runs out
And its better days are behind it
(Or when Jessie finds a new model
Fresher for the keeping)

Why do I always have to be
What you choose to wear
When you forget to dress

Why am I the oxygen
When you forget to breathe

Why am I the vowels
In words you’ll never say

________________________________________________________________________________

You’re Lipstick Has Faded from My Collar

You say the pain it’s caused you hurts more with each day
And you look at me with such sad blue eyes
That I wonder what exactly lies behind
And you say, provocatively,
“Can we just have sex
Because I want to feel something else for a change
Anything, really
Just to make this pain go away
At least for one hour.”

In just one more hour, you will be safe
In one more hour, things will return to the way they were before
When you hated me
And blamed me for…Everything

But it’s a death that has brought us closer
And it’s a birth that will tear us apart

“For now I just want you inside of me
Because I love the way you make me feel
The way you make me forget about the world
When I’m in your grasp
And you’re holding my head
And I’m grabbing your waist.”

I don’t want to cry
Because it will just prove that I still love you
When I spent the afternoon shattering any permanent record
That held the fact I ever knew you
And that pretty smile you wear, even now,
You’re so deceitful, honey, I love you

Isn’t it funny how everything works out
The opposite of what they told us

Isn’t it strange how you turn your head
And jockey your body for the position
Only to attempt escape from
These loving arms that just want to hold you
To console you, over your lose
But your attitude has changed
Now that you’ve gotten all you wanted
A boy to help you bear the pain
And I, I want to find you like I used to
So helpless and alone
When you needed me to comfort you
In the long, lonely nights
You said you could never spend alone
But now I know
That nice pair of panties you hid in the top drawer
Behind all the other plain white ones
Was for when you knew the game

Now I know that you save the precious things
Like that, for nights you know you want it
For the nights you know I’m willing to go at it

Please, let’s stop pretending
I had a hidden agenda
I’m a simple boy
With only you to desire
But you played your game
And played with my emotions

And you, you broke my heart
Like no other girl could before you