A New Look
Well, I've been in Portland for about one week now and I've had this blog for a year, without using it. I originally was going to write music reviews in it and such, but that just didn't pan out like I thought it would. So, instead, it sat there on the web for all to see without being used. And I've always considered myself important, so why the hell can't I be read and followed as much as my friend Amanda, who also lives and plays in Portland. Now, I'm much more of a wallflower/introvert than she is, as evidenced by her outrageous posts and (mis)adventures throughout Portland.
I've been trying hard for a year or so to stop measuring myself against others, in many respects to my life, but it's hard. I'm working at it, but it's been a slow process.
My life has been pretty amazing, I'll admit it, but I've felt like I've been coasting by, settling for mediocrity and familiarity and consistency in routines, when really life is or should be about the unexpected and the greatness that can come from it.
So, why did I move to Portland?
For a lot of reasons: a new job, a new lease on life, the need to move out of my hometown, the familiarity (there's that goddamn word again) with the area already, and the fact that I already have some friends located in the area. Now, if I could only take the initiative to call/message them to do something. But what? What do friends nearing their 30s do together? And why do I feel like I'm pestering them or taking them away from something more astounding if I ask them to hang out? So, again I fall into a trap of just doing things myself, alone, content with the wallflower aspect/character I've created for myself. A self-fulfilling prophecy, if you will.
Well, Portland, I want something different from my life. I want out of my bubble. I want to walk down the street and be known, I want to be stopped and greeted, commented on, struck up a conversation with. And, I've realized that maybe I have to be the one to do it. After all, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Well, I know I won't go out on the town EVERY night, but I want to enjoy Portland. I want to enjoy life. I don't want to settle for mediocre. I want to live.
After a week of exhaustion, between moving and settling, finding a new job and settling there, preparing school material and such, this past weekend I was able to finally go out.
Friday night, I decided to call someone I was never really "friends" with, so to speak, in high school- due in large part to the grade level difference- but hey, I knew she was in Portland, and I want to develop a circle of friends, so why the hell not? And so, we hung out at Amigo's, this great little "dive" Mexican joint in the Old Port, where my old high school buddy's band- Murray's Rule- was playing.
It was a great night. Leigh (the girl from high school) and I talked quite a bit, catching up on a lot of things, comparing notes on school, and just filling the gaps of musical silence. It was great. And hey, I also got to catch up with Eric (high school buddy/drummer in the band). My assumption being we all enjoyed each other's company. Now perhaps it's on me to keep it going. But, I guess, my question is, why do I put the burden solely on myself to initiate. If I don't though, what happens? Just one fun night? Why do my friends and I seem to have many "One Night Stands" with each other? Why can't we all share the responsibility of connecting?
Saturday, I went on a date with a girl I'd been talking to online for a couple of weeks. Yeah, scoff if you will, but for someone who doesn't have the personality to just talk to random people when he's out and about- meeting people online is how I meet people. Except I have this curse of the 3rd date, honestly. Either, I just don't feel it, or I don't want to be bothersome to her. What is my friggin' problem? Honestly!
Anyway, she and I met up at "Local Sprouts" (a new joint for me, excellent natural and organic food) and we ended up staying and talking for 3 hours, until they basically had to kick us out because they wanted to close and get the hell out of there themselves. Yup, we were those damn customers! It was great, but again I find myself wondering if, if/when I call her again, is she going to want to see me again. I find it much easier to deal with rejection by simply avoiding it. For she (all girls considered) can't say "no" if I never ask. But- I know what you'll say, "she can't say yes either." Well, it's a psychological problem I have. So, any girls that want to help me, I'm accepting applications!
So, here's my blog, from which you will find existential diatribes of my mental diarrhea, my own new adventures discovering Portland, anything I really want to talk about.
It's an INTROVERT'S EXPERIENCES IN A BIG CITY. It's a PUSH IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. It's a WALLFLOWER BEING SHOVED OUT OF THE CORNER. It's ME.
I've been trying hard for a year or so to stop measuring myself against others, in many respects to my life, but it's hard. I'm working at it, but it's been a slow process.
My life has been pretty amazing, I'll admit it, but I've felt like I've been coasting by, settling for mediocrity and familiarity and consistency in routines, when really life is or should be about the unexpected and the greatness that can come from it.
So, why did I move to Portland?
For a lot of reasons: a new job, a new lease on life, the need to move out of my hometown, the familiarity (there's that goddamn word again) with the area already, and the fact that I already have some friends located in the area. Now, if I could only take the initiative to call/message them to do something. But what? What do friends nearing their 30s do together? And why do I feel like I'm pestering them or taking them away from something more astounding if I ask them to hang out? So, again I fall into a trap of just doing things myself, alone, content with the wallflower aspect/character I've created for myself. A self-fulfilling prophecy, if you will.
Well, Portland, I want something different from my life. I want out of my bubble. I want to walk down the street and be known, I want to be stopped and greeted, commented on, struck up a conversation with. And, I've realized that maybe I have to be the one to do it. After all, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Well, I know I won't go out on the town EVERY night, but I want to enjoy Portland. I want to enjoy life. I don't want to settle for mediocre. I want to live.
After a week of exhaustion, between moving and settling, finding a new job and settling there, preparing school material and such, this past weekend I was able to finally go out.
Friday night, I decided to call someone I was never really "friends" with, so to speak, in high school- due in large part to the grade level difference- but hey, I knew she was in Portland, and I want to develop a circle of friends, so why the hell not? And so, we hung out at Amigo's, this great little "dive" Mexican joint in the Old Port, where my old high school buddy's band- Murray's Rule- was playing.
It was a great night. Leigh (the girl from high school) and I talked quite a bit, catching up on a lot of things, comparing notes on school, and just filling the gaps of musical silence. It was great. And hey, I also got to catch up with Eric (high school buddy/drummer in the band). My assumption being we all enjoyed each other's company. Now perhaps it's on me to keep it going. But, I guess, my question is, why do I put the burden solely on myself to initiate. If I don't though, what happens? Just one fun night? Why do my friends and I seem to have many "One Night Stands" with each other? Why can't we all share the responsibility of connecting?
Saturday, I went on a date with a girl I'd been talking to online for a couple of weeks. Yeah, scoff if you will, but for someone who doesn't have the personality to just talk to random people when he's out and about- meeting people online is how I meet people. Except I have this curse of the 3rd date, honestly. Either, I just don't feel it, or I don't want to be bothersome to her. What is my friggin' problem? Honestly!
Anyway, she and I met up at "Local Sprouts" (a new joint for me, excellent natural and organic food) and we ended up staying and talking for 3 hours, until they basically had to kick us out because they wanted to close and get the hell out of there themselves. Yup, we were those damn customers! It was great, but again I find myself wondering if, if/when I call her again, is she going to want to see me again. I find it much easier to deal with rejection by simply avoiding it. For she (all girls considered) can't say "no" if I never ask. But- I know what you'll say, "she can't say yes either." Well, it's a psychological problem I have. So, any girls that want to help me, I'm accepting applications!
So, here's my blog, from which you will find existential diatribes of my mental diarrhea, my own new adventures discovering Portland, anything I really want to talk about.
It's an INTROVERT'S EXPERIENCES IN A BIG CITY. It's a PUSH IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. It's a WALLFLOWER BEING SHOVED OUT OF THE CORNER. It's ME.
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