Horror Films Galore

"Urban Legends: Final Cut"
starring: Jennifer Morrison, Matthew Davis, Hart Bochner, Loretta Devine, Joseph Lawrence, Anson Mount, Eva Mendes, Jessica Cauffiel, Anthony Anderson, Michael Bacall

The only connection to the original "Urban Legends" (which should now be shelved along the same lines as other 1990s classic teenage horror films, simply for who starred in it, a plethora of '90s teen heartthrobs, in case you were wondering, but not famous enough to really carry the same weight as a film like "Scream" or "I Know What You Did Last Summer"), is that these characters are the filmmakers referenced in the original film who are now in the process of making a film about urban legends. I believe that's the only reason why they get away with calling this "Urban Legend" because to be quite honest there isn't the connection of urban legends and the killings, like in the first film. The entire film is a stretch and a tragedy, at that.

It stars Jennifer Morrison, long before her great guest starring role on "How I Met Your Mother" (need a reference point check her out as Emma Swan). Jennifer Morrison plays Amy, a budding film director at the Orson Welles Film Institute at Alpine University. She has a great idea for her final film project: a film about serial killers. Little does she know, she's opening Pandora's box (strictly metaphorically).

The film has some decent acting from many would-be C-list actors and actresses, especially given the script and genre they find themselves in. Hell, Eva Mendes even has a small part in it- this is before she became an A-list actress, and I'm hoping it her eventual status wasn't based on this film).

It's an entertaining film, as long as you know what you're getting yourself into. This isn't a film that is going to change the world or your life. It's a film filled with horror genre cliches, a few laughs, and predictable scenes and of course the outcome, finale, is predictable.

My takeaway: Jennifer Morrison was never going to be Neve Campbell.

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"Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge"
starring: Mark Patton, Kim Myers, Robert Rusler, Clu Gulager, Hope Lange, Marshall Bell, Sydney Walsh, Robert Englund, Christie Clark

A "Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge" is the one everybody seems to want to forget about. Wes Craven was not involved with the production, because he thought his original film should stand alone without a franchise built around it. The result is a film that feels quite different than any other Elm Street installment, presenting variations on Freddy's abilities which never surfaced again. Part Two marks the only time Freddy Krueger materialized in the real world or attempted to possess another person. It's also the last time the house on Elm Street plays a pivotal location role, and the only time the synthesized dream lullaby music is not used in the score.

The story revolves around young Jesse Walsh (Mark Patton) who moves into Nancy's house from the first film. Plagued by fevered nightmares of Freddy Krueger, he eventually starts to sleep walk. Jesse's new girlfriend (Kim Myers) begins to notice this strange behavior and helps him to uncover what's happening. Jesse's good friend Ron (Robert Rusler) also tries to assist, but both have to figure out how to help him fight off the dream killer before it's too late for them all.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge is an interesting piece of horror history, because it's easily the most homoerotic slasher film ever made. The lead is a guy who seems more than a little torn between his beautiful girlfriend and athletic guy friend, and this whole struggle with Freddy could easily be seen as a metaphor for "coming out." There is an over the top sequence where Jesse even picks up a victim in a gay bar, and then Freddy offs him using a naked S&M style execution in the gym shower. The film is written in such a way that it making any apologies for the not-so-subtle gay themes. 

Playing out more like a drama, Freddy is absent through much of the narrative. He materializes in the real world through Jesse, and this is the only time that ever happened. Freddy seems intent on escaping the realm of sleep, but we never really understand why. A rather lackluster pool party sequence descends into camp with the killer running after a whole gang of teens who look taller and more menacing than him. Yet somehow the idea of Jesse struggling with Freddy's urges inside of him works, and the film manages to stay coherent and interesting despite the pacing problems and lack of logic.

There's nothing much here to be excited about. I mean, the first one kind of set up the genre and paved the way for Wes Craven to make many more films. And hell, Johnny Depp was in the original and we all know what it ended up doing for his career.
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"Leprechaun"
starring: Warwick Davis, Jennifer Aniston, Ken Olandt, Mark Holton, Robert Hy Gorman, Shay Duffin
written, directed, and produced by: Mark Jones

This is probably one of the most ridiculous and completely unnecessary premises for a film in the history of films. And I've seen a lot of movies. This stands alone as perhaps one of the worst movies. Ever. Whoever thought this would be even slightly entertaining should be fired immediately and taken out back and beaten.

The plot, in a nutshell, is as ridiculous as it seems. There's an evil leprechaun on the loose (after a bit of a prologue where an old man "steal" his gold and then locks him up in a wooden box). He is searching for his lost, stolen gold.
Enter the young, youthful Jennifer Aniston- right before her career took off by being cast in "Friends." She plays a teenage girl sent to live with her father. There's absolutely no real plot at all. The characters are, perhaps thankfully, not developed at all, and there's really no need for anything. The film's story carries itself as much as it can and just plods through, all the way to the end. You can only be happy once it ends that you've made it through. Everything about this film is awful- acting, directing, lighting, story, gore.

I don't understand how Mark Jones was able to make 6 of these films. What an awful series. Although, I give him credit for sticking with something he obviously believes in, for whatever reason. You don't have to ever subject yourself to any of his films. Ever.